Why Not Start Fresh....

The first day of fall is just a few days away and I can't wait. I love the crisp, cool days of fall. They make me feel like something new is on the horizon. A time to experience something new, let go of something that's not working, make a change...so why not usher in the new season by starting fresh.

I have been itching to wash off the stale stickiness of summer and transform into a new woman... Here's the plan!

1. Get clear on my vision, what I want and where I'm going. This very important because before I can change I need to have an idea of what I'm changing into. To get clear I created a vision board and wrote a mission statement for my life. Now I'm clear and can move with intention and purpose.

2. Check my attitude. In order to be different one must think differently. I must be willing to let go of the things that are not working and pick up the things that do work.

3. Taking care of my body is essential because it will improve my mood and increase my self confidence. It will also give me the energy to work hard on my change.

4. Staying open to new adventures could have the possibility to lead me to a fresh start.

Are you starting over? What's your plan?

Standards????

 The deal with standards from my point of view...

So I recently watched think like a man for the second time. The first time I did not pay that much attention to the move their was a lot of distractions and I missed most of the key parts of the movie. The second time I watched it was to laugh at Kevin Hart. Well after the second time of really watching the move I got to thinking about having standards. Do I have any? Is there anything that I require men to do or do I just expect them to know what to do?

I have standards I just expect them to know what they are and when they don't I get upset, disappointed or frustrated...

I started to get really nervous, am I the type that gets thrown away? ( if you don't know what this is than you must read the book, its good. Great info) After thinking about it for a few seconds I realized that I am a Keeper and has always been ( smile). It's just in my nature. But what about these so called standards....Here's my problem....

I don't communicate what I expect...

I realized that I don't necessarily communicate what I want. I have it in my head, I see it, I know it but I just leave it unsaid...why you ask?

I expect him to just know....

 In reality I could save myself months of aggravation if I just lay it all out on the line..

What about you? Do you have any standards? What are they? If you don't look out for part II how to get standards.....


Shameka

Just as much as breathing...

A few weeks ago my brother forced me to watch a you tube video of this guy giving a speech to college students about success.

"You won't be successful until you want it just as much as you want to breathe"

The success guru told the story of a young man who wanted to be successful. In the story the young man asked an older very successful man to teach him how to be successful. The old man took the young man to the beach and had him walk out into the water neck deep. Once the young man is out into the water the old man held the young mans head under the water until he almost passes out. When he pulls the young man up he asked him while he was under water what did he need the most. The young man said to breathe....the old man told him that until you want success just as much as you want to breathe you won't be....


My question to you is...do you want it just as bad as you want to breathe????

Shameka

Rejection at it's finest!!!!!!

"Rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success"

Bo Bennett

I have been rolling around the thought of rejection in my head lately. The sting. The feeling of not being worthy, not being good enough. The thought of not measuring up. I have had a major fear of rejection since the first time I was ever rejected. 10 years ago, senior year of high school I crushed hard on the new boy. I thought he was FINE which was weird he wasn't at all my time. I'm more of a tall, dark, and handsome and he was a short, light, and arrogant.  I however wanted him. Which again was out of the box because I never ever really crushed on a guy except for...the guy with the sexiest smile I have seen to date (lol, thinking about it). Anyway this new guy, we will call him Double D told my best friends cousin that I was ugly. She ran back and told me, and that was the first time I questioned myself. I had never thought of myself as anything but pretty, I thought I was great and I never really depended on any validation from anyone until that tragic day. I started to ask every male I knew if I was ugly. Every time I asked I got the stank face. They all asked me what the heck I was talking about as if I was crazy. 

I've carried around the fear of rejection for 10 years, the fear of the sting, not being good enough, not measuring up. Lately I have been dealing with rejection in many forms for the last six months work related, relationship related, family related, and even internally. After each rejection I go through the sting becomes less painful, the fear less fearful, and I begin to learn from each time I hear no, it's not going to work, I don't think that's a good idea, your not the right fit. Thinking back to that day I realized that I had never talked to this dude, I have no idea if he even knew who I was, or even if I was told the truth. Then I think about how a dude I never knew even spoke to made such a negative impression in my life. Then I realized that maybe I wasn't his type...so what. I was somebodies type.

After 10 years here is what I learned from rejection:

1. You may not be the right fit for that person, company or job but it doesn't mean that you are not a great fit for something or someone else.

2. Rejection makes you strong, pushes you to work a little harder, and allows for self reflection.

3. Everything that sounds good, and looks good may not be good to you and for you, rejection is Gods way of protecting you. You may not be able to see it instantly but it will surface one day. ( this has happened to me may times, and each time it is revealed I can't help but thank God for Grace :) )

The next time you are faced with rejection don't take it so personal, look at the grace in it and wait for the revelation. Something better is just around the corner.

 You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

Walt Disney

Shameka

He's Got Kids....

My last post The Best Part of Single sparked some interesting conversation between my cousin and I. We are like day and night, our lives are totally different. She's in a long term relationship has a beautiful house, two beautiful kids, the car of dreams and owns her own business and she's only 25.
I on the other hand am single, no kids, and have the opportunity to do whatever it is I dream of. Yet she craves my freedom and I crave her predictability. She spent the best of the afternoon trying to convince me that being single is better than being a relationship. She challenged my thoughts on compatibility, finances,and the inevitable change while within a relationship.

There was one question she asked me that really got me thinking.
" say, you and Mr. incredible are dating and you have developed feelings for him. In conversation he tells you that he has a kid. You never asked about it because you never saw him with a child and it seemed unlikely. What would you do?"

~It's hard for a man to choose a lady who's already got a baby even though his feelings may be strong....~Lyfe Jennings

This question threw me off. What
would I do? Do I let it go for fear of the drama associated with dating someone with a kid or do I give it chance. I went with the safe answer. I wouldn't turn him away because of the kid. Once I answered I thought about it more. Would I, could I date a guy with kids?

~That's why it's better just to wait, take love day to day and let love spread its own wings and if it flys away or if it decides to stay it won't be because of any unrealistic expectations y'all done made.~ Lyfe Jennings

After some deep thought I've come to the conclusion that no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. Everyone comes with their own baggage, scars, wounds, issues, and problems. It may not be in the same form for example a kid, it may be physical, mental or emotional. It may not be as heavy, and it may not be noticed in the beginning but it will show up. The beauty of it is that if you find someone who will help you carry that baggage, heal those wounds, or put salve on those scars you would be a fool to turn them away because there baggage may not be as heavy or as light as yours. A person who is strong enough to help you carry your baggage will be the same person holding you up when things get hard.

~You showed me what it really felt to be loved, kissed, held, and prayed for and wanted, nurtured , guided and to be understood...~Anthony Hamilton

The Best Part of Single

The last post talked about the blessings in being single but I think the best part is learning all about who you are as a woman. It is very important to make sure that you are at your best by developing self care routines, paying attention to becoming a healthy whole woman. I believe that a whole healthy woman passes those habits on to her family, in result building a strong healthy family.

For a woman learning to take care of oneself and making it priority while single will ultimately make it easier when the boo comes along, or the family is made. Women are natural nurturers and tend to give there all to others so being a little selfish when single is a good thing.

Here are some things to focus on while on the road to becoming happy, healthy, and whole:

1. Develop a simple health routine that includes healthy eating and regular exercise

2. Figure out ways to relieve and effectively reduce stress

3. Schedule in some you time to think about your goals or just do nothing.

4. Work to become emotionally healthy.

Shameka

K. Michelle: Silence is Loud

 That Silence is Loud.....

K. Michelle, the R&B singer from Memphis tells her best friend that the silence is loud when she goes home at night, referring to being single and going home to an empty house. When she uttered those words I thought to myself, wow...that silence is loud. 

There are times in your life when you crave silence and you want to be alone. Times when doing nothing is just as pleasing as doing something and people are always around eager to enjoy what ever life throws your way. One day that all changes. You wake up and life has fully kicked in. Your schedule if filled to the with things you have to do instead of things you really want to do. And those friends who are always around seemed to have vanished, and when the day is done and you walk into your house that silence is  so loud it practically drives you crazy when your single.

Being single I find that the older I get the more nerve wrecking it gets to be so. When I was 25, I always thought I had three more years to get married before I start to have babies. Now at 27 the clock is ticking and the silence is starting to get super loud.

Recently, I have realized that the silence is the pressure that I have been putting on myself. Pressure to live up to a standard, to please others, but most of all to check one more thing off of my list called life. I'm not going to lie one day I will get meet him and marry him, but until then I am committed to to enjoying the blessing of being single.

The blessings I've found in being single:

1.)  Time to truly get to know who you are and what you want

2.)   Ability to put your all in your career with out fear of destroying your relationship

3.)    Time to establish the woman you want to be so that you are prepared for the man that you want

4.)   A time to get clear on what you want and need from a relationship

5.)  Time to heal any past wounds, or hurts

I'm not going to lie being single is hard some times, but don't settle just because that silence is loud.

Shameka

All you single ladies out their weigh in and tell me what you do when that silence become unbearable? How do you handle being fine, fabulous, and single?