Rejection at it's finest!!!!!!

"Rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success"

Bo Bennett

I have been rolling around the thought of rejection in my head lately. The sting. The feeling of not being worthy, not being good enough. The thought of not measuring up. I have had a major fear of rejection since the first time I was ever rejected. 10 years ago, senior year of high school I crushed hard on the new boy. I thought he was FINE which was weird he wasn't at all my time. I'm more of a tall, dark, and handsome and he was a short, light, and arrogant.  I however wanted him. Which again was out of the box because I never ever really crushed on a guy except for...the guy with the sexiest smile I have seen to date (lol, thinking about it). Anyway this new guy, we will call him Double D told my best friends cousin that I was ugly. She ran back and told me, and that was the first time I questioned myself. I had never thought of myself as anything but pretty, I thought I was great and I never really depended on any validation from anyone until that tragic day. I started to ask every male I knew if I was ugly. Every time I asked I got the stank face. They all asked me what the heck I was talking about as if I was crazy. 

I've carried around the fear of rejection for 10 years, the fear of the sting, not being good enough, not measuring up. Lately I have been dealing with rejection in many forms for the last six months work related, relationship related, family related, and even internally. After each rejection I go through the sting becomes less painful, the fear less fearful, and I begin to learn from each time I hear no, it's not going to work, I don't think that's a good idea, your not the right fit. Thinking back to that day I realized that I had never talked to this dude, I have no idea if he even knew who I was, or even if I was told the truth. Then I think about how a dude I never knew even spoke to made such a negative impression in my life. Then I realized that maybe I wasn't his type...so what. I was somebodies type.

After 10 years here is what I learned from rejection:

1. You may not be the right fit for that person, company or job but it doesn't mean that you are not a great fit for something or someone else.

2. Rejection makes you strong, pushes you to work a little harder, and allows for self reflection.

3. Everything that sounds good, and looks good may not be good to you and for you, rejection is Gods way of protecting you. You may not be able to see it instantly but it will surface one day. ( this has happened to me may times, and each time it is revealed I can't help but thank God for Grace :) )

The next time you are faced with rejection don't take it so personal, look at the grace in it and wait for the revelation. Something better is just around the corner.

 You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

Walt Disney

Shameka

He's Got Kids....

My last post The Best Part of Single sparked some interesting conversation between my cousin and I. We are like day and night, our lives are totally different. She's in a long term relationship has a beautiful house, two beautiful kids, the car of dreams and owns her own business and she's only 25.
I on the other hand am single, no kids, and have the opportunity to do whatever it is I dream of. Yet she craves my freedom and I crave her predictability. She spent the best of the afternoon trying to convince me that being single is better than being a relationship. She challenged my thoughts on compatibility, finances,and the inevitable change while within a relationship.

There was one question she asked me that really got me thinking.
" say, you and Mr. incredible are dating and you have developed feelings for him. In conversation he tells you that he has a kid. You never asked about it because you never saw him with a child and it seemed unlikely. What would you do?"

~It's hard for a man to choose a lady who's already got a baby even though his feelings may be strong....~Lyfe Jennings

This question threw me off. What
would I do? Do I let it go for fear of the drama associated with dating someone with a kid or do I give it chance. I went with the safe answer. I wouldn't turn him away because of the kid. Once I answered I thought about it more. Would I, could I date a guy with kids?

~That's why it's better just to wait, take love day to day and let love spread its own wings and if it flys away or if it decides to stay it won't be because of any unrealistic expectations y'all done made.~ Lyfe Jennings

After some deep thought I've come to the conclusion that no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. Everyone comes with their own baggage, scars, wounds, issues, and problems. It may not be in the same form for example a kid, it may be physical, mental or emotional. It may not be as heavy, and it may not be noticed in the beginning but it will show up. The beauty of it is that if you find someone who will help you carry that baggage, heal those wounds, or put salve on those scars you would be a fool to turn them away because there baggage may not be as heavy or as light as yours. A person who is strong enough to help you carry your baggage will be the same person holding you up when things get hard.

~You showed me what it really felt to be loved, kissed, held, and prayed for and wanted, nurtured , guided and to be understood...~Anthony Hamilton

The Best Part of Single

The last post talked about the blessings in being single but I think the best part is learning all about who you are as a woman. It is very important to make sure that you are at your best by developing self care routines, paying attention to becoming a healthy whole woman. I believe that a whole healthy woman passes those habits on to her family, in result building a strong healthy family.

For a woman learning to take care of oneself and making it priority while single will ultimately make it easier when the boo comes along, or the family is made. Women are natural nurturers and tend to give there all to others so being a little selfish when single is a good thing.

Here are some things to focus on while on the road to becoming happy, healthy, and whole:

1. Develop a simple health routine that includes healthy eating and regular exercise

2. Figure out ways to relieve and effectively reduce stress

3. Schedule in some you time to think about your goals or just do nothing.

4. Work to become emotionally healthy.

Shameka

K. Michelle: Silence is Loud

 That Silence is Loud.....

K. Michelle, the R&B singer from Memphis tells her best friend that the silence is loud when she goes home at night, referring to being single and going home to an empty house. When she uttered those words I thought to myself, wow...that silence is loud. 

There are times in your life when you crave silence and you want to be alone. Times when doing nothing is just as pleasing as doing something and people are always around eager to enjoy what ever life throws your way. One day that all changes. You wake up and life has fully kicked in. Your schedule if filled to the with things you have to do instead of things you really want to do. And those friends who are always around seemed to have vanished, and when the day is done and you walk into your house that silence is  so loud it practically drives you crazy when your single.

Being single I find that the older I get the more nerve wrecking it gets to be so. When I was 25, I always thought I had three more years to get married before I start to have babies. Now at 27 the clock is ticking and the silence is starting to get super loud.

Recently, I have realized that the silence is the pressure that I have been putting on myself. Pressure to live up to a standard, to please others, but most of all to check one more thing off of my list called life. I'm not going to lie one day I will get meet him and marry him, but until then I am committed to to enjoying the blessing of being single.

The blessings I've found in being single:

1.)  Time to truly get to know who you are and what you want

2.)   Ability to put your all in your career with out fear of destroying your relationship

3.)    Time to establish the woman you want to be so that you are prepared for the man that you want

4.)   A time to get clear on what you want and need from a relationship

5.)  Time to heal any past wounds, or hurts

I'm not going to lie being single is hard some times, but don't settle just because that silence is loud.

Shameka

All you single ladies out their weigh in and tell me what you do when that silence become unbearable? How do you handle being fine, fabulous, and single?

Deeper Waters

" Put out into deeper water, and let down the nets for a catch"

Luke 5:3

Jesus told Simon to cast his nets in deeper water in order to catch more fish. I have been contemplating this scripture for a few days as I try to make some very important changes in my life.

Cast your nets in deeper water to me means dig a little deeper, work a little harder, do something that you have never done. Instead of doing what you have always done do something different.

I have come to realize that some times we must leave behind the familiarity, and comfort of what we know and step out into the unknown to capture what we have always dreamed of. It wasn't easy for Simon to leave the shore and venture out into the deep to catch the fish, but he was filled with faith and his reward was more than he could ever dream of.

If your struggling with making something great happen in your life don't give up just cast your net in deeper waters. Look at it from a different angle, try a new strategy, leave behind the old and run with confidence in the directions of your dreams.

 Here are three ways to start casting  your nets in deeper water:

1. Get advice from a trusted friend. They can usually help you see things from a different angle.
2. Get a partner. Have you ever heard that two heads are better than one? Well that is usually true.
3. Start over. Throw away what is not working and add something new, do something you have never done, or try a new recipe.


 Do something that you have never done to get something that you never had.

Moguls, share! Tell me  how you have tried a new approach in love and life to achieve the impossible.


Shameka

Nail Buisness

There is something about a fresh manicure that makes me smile. I love to see my vibrant colored nails strike the keys on my key board. For some reason it makes me want to type. Like many women I was a addicted to acylic and gel nails. They instantly make your nails longer, stronger, and your polish lasts for weeks....thats great right! Yeah it is the first two times that you get them done. After than your nail bed begans to get soft and brittle from the filing; and you end up with nails to soft and sore to put anything on them. I hate it. So I have been doing my own nails. Just simple home manicures because I like to change the color up often. This week I'm going with Sally Hansens Xtreme Wear in Blue Me Away!!! The color is peacock blue, so tropical. Great for spring and summer.

Usually my home manicures only last two days tops. I know I suck at home manicures. But there are many different reasons.
1. I never use a base coat
2. I never wait for the first coat to dry completely to apply the second coat
3. I never add a top coat
4. I never reapply top coat every so often

I am really slack about my manicures.

After meeting with one of my accountablitiy buddies ( Tay ), and seeing how great her at home manicure was I decided to give it a real try.... I took some advice from Tay ( she told me about her secret weapon) and I ran to walmart to pick up some new colors and a special base coat.

She told me that her secret weapon ( which I'm sharing with you below) helps her maicure stay chipp free for a week.

PRO FX is a line of topcoats, and bases that are designed to help your manicures last longer. The bottle I purchased was the 3 in one complete manicure which is a top, base, and strenghtner all together.

I applied the top and bottom coats and the polish.....

Here are the results

I'll update you next week on how long the manicures last. I'm going to try my best not to change the colors....

Shameka

The beauty in not giving up + 1

At this present moment I am going through a season of major transitions. Everything that I thought was concrete and safe is no longer the case. In the next two months I have to find a new apartment, job,  and possible roommate. As I look through job postings and apartment ads I become extremely overwhelmed, and I just want to give up. Just go back home to mom where it is easy and comfortable. But then I pull myself up by the bootstraps and realize that I have come to far to turn around, I must remember that ...

"I'll gain the strength to fly during the process...."

It is during the journey that we learn the skills and gain the strength to fly. Giving and up and quiting is a habit that will keep you stuck. I have learned that being uncomfortable and scared is a sign that I am on the right track, that I am about to reach a break through, another level in my life.

"Be Ye Steadfast...... "

So Moguls as you encounter the difficult things in your life, be ye steadfast....don't give up because you never know the outcome. It could turn out better than you ever thought, you could fail and learn that the skills to be successful the next time.

"The worst thing you could do is be afraid to try..... "

I like apologize for being slack with my Wednesday and Friday posts the last few weeks. It seems as if I can never get a grip on life after Monday. I promise to make more of an effort to give you some quality stuff this week. Look out for my beauty/ healthy post on Wednesday and my Relationship/ Fashion post on Friday.

I appreciate all of you who take the time to read SheMogul weekly......



Shameka