Doing the Work....

Saturday night I was glued to the T.V. watching Iyanla's Fix my Life as she worked with 300 women  on fixing there love lives. 300 women all trying to find love, keep love, and nurture love. 300 women who all had something holding them back from love, and what was holding them back you might ask...themselves.  It was the pain, the shame, the guilt, the fear of the past that had shaped their current circumstance. Now that they recognized what was stopping them they had to " do the work". As I thought about my own life I wondered what "Doing the Work" actually meant. How can I do the work....

THEN IT HIT ME....



I need to really face the thing that was holding me back, face what's standing in my way. Here are three ways I began to do the work....

 

1. Tell the open honest truth about what it is. Say the things I don't want to say. I have a bad habit of not expressing my true feelings about certain matters. Especially when I feel as if they are going to hurt someone's feelings. So usually I am burying my feelings, and they end up turning into living breathing pain. Some times you have to be an advocate for you and say what needs to be said.

 

2. Feel the pain. Often the root of the very thing that we are running away from is pain. Be willing to feel it, willing to shed a tear, willing to be vulnerable. Once you have felt the pain what's their to be scared of...now you are stronger and know you can survive.  I have learned that it's alright to cry. Some may see it as a sign of weakness. I see it as a sign of strength, that one is able to be transparent.

 

3. Finally, picking yourself up, dusting off and trying again. Nothing shows true growth more than putting yourself out their again, loving again, starting another business, building a new relationship, trusting yourself, or just living.

 

Doing the work is not easy. Often times once you release one thing, you find something buried deep beneath that's even harder to work through. So you can either stick with what isn't working for you or be willing to do the work.

 

 

Share. What are important steps to your for overcoming obstacles in love and life?

 

 

Shameka

Why Not Be Happy...?

Most of the things I write about are adopted from my experiences in life or from my observation of other experiences. Today I have been thinking about the concept of happiness and perception. Have you ever been in a situation and had to choose how you felt about it? If you said no then something is definitely wrong. Everything we go through or experience comes with a choice from us about how will view it, learn from it, react to it, and feel about it.

Don't get me wrong their are a lot of things in this world that could cause you be negative and think negatively, but the great thing is that you can either hold on to that negativity or you could push it out and grab onto the positive. There is always positive.

So my thought is can happiness be a choice? Can I choose to see the good in life, people, and experiences? I am in a place in my life of great change and adversity witch has the possibility to cause me to adopt a negative attitude when at times I have.

For the next thirty days I'm going to do a happiness experiment. I will choose to be happy, by doing a couple of things:

1. Start a grateful journal: in this journal I will write 5 things that I am great foul for each night. I think I'm going to do this electronically

2. Give a gift just because: Giving to others is an awesome way to lift your spirits

3. Find a new hobby/ join a group: spending time with others is a way to find balance and explore new things

4. Finally: Make more healthy choices.

I believe that you can't bring more positivity into your life until you let go of the negative that is weighing you down.

I hope that you will join my happiness experiment. Lets start today...share 5 things you are great full for today.


Choose Happiness,
Shameka
.

I love my fro...

It's been 1 year and six months since I chopped my relaxed hair off. I rocked a TWA or fade as I liked to call it for a month. It was nice. I would wake up in the morning wet my hair a little put some moisturizer on and brush until it was smooth and wavy. A month latter I would add gel and watch my waves turn into a tiny curly fro. That was cute. As I went through various phases of natural hair growth I discovered my true beauty.

Trust me, it was really hard not to slap some perm on my hair and keep it moving just to please everyone who didn't like my hair. I heard things like " you need to do something with your nappy hair", " what? Are you trying to bring black back?", " Are you depressed?" All these negative things were thrown at me from the people I loved. It hurt, but it taught me that the only opinion that matters most times is my own. What's so wrong with a little kinky hair?

At the 18 month mark I am excited about my natural hair future. I've adopted some growth and healthy hair goals and am ready to sail toward two years. I plan to share with you the next phase of my hair growth journey and to encourage and inspire all those ladies who are having doubts to go ahead and do the BIG CHOP!!!!!

Stay tuned....

Why Not Start Fresh....

The first day of fall is just a few days away and I can't wait. I love the crisp, cool days of fall. They make me feel like something new is on the horizon. A time to experience something new, let go of something that's not working, make a change...so why not usher in the new season by starting fresh.

I have been itching to wash off the stale stickiness of summer and transform into a new woman... Here's the plan!

1. Get clear on my vision, what I want and where I'm going. This very important because before I can change I need to have an idea of what I'm changing into. To get clear I created a vision board and wrote a mission statement for my life. Now I'm clear and can move with intention and purpose.

2. Check my attitude. In order to be different one must think differently. I must be willing to let go of the things that are not working and pick up the things that do work.

3. Taking care of my body is essential because it will improve my mood and increase my self confidence. It will also give me the energy to work hard on my change.

4. Staying open to new adventures could have the possibility to lead me to a fresh start.

Are you starting over? What's your plan?

Standards????

 The deal with standards from my point of view...

So I recently watched think like a man for the second time. The first time I did not pay that much attention to the move their was a lot of distractions and I missed most of the key parts of the movie. The second time I watched it was to laugh at Kevin Hart. Well after the second time of really watching the move I got to thinking about having standards. Do I have any? Is there anything that I require men to do or do I just expect them to know what to do?

I have standards I just expect them to know what they are and when they don't I get upset, disappointed or frustrated...

I started to get really nervous, am I the type that gets thrown away? ( if you don't know what this is than you must read the book, its good. Great info) After thinking about it for a few seconds I realized that I am a Keeper and has always been ( smile). It's just in my nature. But what about these so called standards....Here's my problem....

I don't communicate what I expect...

I realized that I don't necessarily communicate what I want. I have it in my head, I see it, I know it but I just leave it unsaid...why you ask?

I expect him to just know....

 In reality I could save myself months of aggravation if I just lay it all out on the line..

What about you? Do you have any standards? What are they? If you don't look out for part II how to get standards.....


Shameka

Just as much as breathing...

A few weeks ago my brother forced me to watch a you tube video of this guy giving a speech to college students about success.

"You won't be successful until you want it just as much as you want to breathe"

The success guru told the story of a young man who wanted to be successful. In the story the young man asked an older very successful man to teach him how to be successful. The old man took the young man to the beach and had him walk out into the water neck deep. Once the young man is out into the water the old man held the young mans head under the water until he almost passes out. When he pulls the young man up he asked him while he was under water what did he need the most. The young man said to breathe....the old man told him that until you want success just as much as you want to breathe you won't be....


My question to you is...do you want it just as bad as you want to breathe????

Shameka

Rejection at it's finest!!!!!!

"Rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success"

Bo Bennett

I have been rolling around the thought of rejection in my head lately. The sting. The feeling of not being worthy, not being good enough. The thought of not measuring up. I have had a major fear of rejection since the first time I was ever rejected. 10 years ago, senior year of high school I crushed hard on the new boy. I thought he was FINE which was weird he wasn't at all my time. I'm more of a tall, dark, and handsome and he was a short, light, and arrogant.  I however wanted him. Which again was out of the box because I never ever really crushed on a guy except for...the guy with the sexiest smile I have seen to date (lol, thinking about it). Anyway this new guy, we will call him Double D told my best friends cousin that I was ugly. She ran back and told me, and that was the first time I questioned myself. I had never thought of myself as anything but pretty, I thought I was great and I never really depended on any validation from anyone until that tragic day. I started to ask every male I knew if I was ugly. Every time I asked I got the stank face. They all asked me what the heck I was talking about as if I was crazy. 

I've carried around the fear of rejection for 10 years, the fear of the sting, not being good enough, not measuring up. Lately I have been dealing with rejection in many forms for the last six months work related, relationship related, family related, and even internally. After each rejection I go through the sting becomes less painful, the fear less fearful, and I begin to learn from each time I hear no, it's not going to work, I don't think that's a good idea, your not the right fit. Thinking back to that day I realized that I had never talked to this dude, I have no idea if he even knew who I was, or even if I was told the truth. Then I think about how a dude I never knew even spoke to made such a negative impression in my life. Then I realized that maybe I wasn't his type...so what. I was somebodies type.

After 10 years here is what I learned from rejection:

1. You may not be the right fit for that person, company or job but it doesn't mean that you are not a great fit for something or someone else.

2. Rejection makes you strong, pushes you to work a little harder, and allows for self reflection.

3. Everything that sounds good, and looks good may not be good to you and for you, rejection is Gods way of protecting you. You may not be able to see it instantly but it will surface one day. ( this has happened to me may times, and each time it is revealed I can't help but thank God for Grace :) )

The next time you are faced with rejection don't take it so personal, look at the grace in it and wait for the revelation. Something better is just around the corner.

 You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

Walt Disney

Shameka